Not ?who do I want to be?, or become. (Or ?create?).
That?s a question to ask (who do I want to become) if you?re into personal development and self improvement but when it comes to spiritual awakening and enlightenment that question has no meaning at all, so that?s not what I?m addressing in this article.
I?m inviting you to ask yourself the question ?who am I??, who are you without the thought about yourself, without any concepts and beliefs you carry about yourself?
Without the idea of being someone. Who are you, really?
The real you is beyond all self-definitions, whether you perceive yourself to be a good or bad person, a happy person, a victimized person, a wonderful person, great, defeated, selfish, smart, not so smart person, or whatever self-definitions you have about yourself.
The real you is not the person you have been taught to believe you are, nor are you the person you imagine yourself to be.
All concepts and identifications of who we think we are come and go, only that which we really are remains untouched and unchanged, and can?t be described or put into any box or given labels of ?I am this and I am that?.
There?s no need to polish, improve and make your little self better.
The real you can never be found or created by mind. It?s like trying to polish your shadow to make it look better. There?s nothing wrong with the shadow; it?s just not who you are.
Who is it that is aware of all the concepts, ideas and thoughts..?
Here?s a post that came to mind with a pic that I think you?ll find kind of funny 
http://mariaerving.com/the-angel-and-devil-on-your-shoulders/
What remains when you let go of all concepts and beliefs, all wishes of becoming somebody, and instead just be in the pure nakedness of awareness, ..who and what is that which remains when all beliefs are put away?
For a moment, let go of the person with all it?s stories.
Let go of the need to change the stories into something better, and let go of the wish to make a better story for the future.
No need to try to fix any stories about ourselves, just let go right now, let go of the ?story of me?, without making it good or bad, just look beyond it.
Who are you without your story?
An old post came to mind, one that I wrote back in the days when I was all about self improvement and re-program your mind concepts.
Thought it would be fun to share with you I obviously don?t resonate with any of the mind-programming/affirmation-stuff anymore. (I?m not interested in personal development anymore).
Anyway, here it is:
http://mariaerving.com/telling-a-new-story/
Spiritual awakening is not some kind of self improvement plan where you follow specific steps to reach enlightenment, and we can never predict any of it, nor create any of it, so it doesn?t matter what we do with our stories, they are all in the mind, and our true nature is beyond mind.
Spiritual awakening just happens.
When we begin to look into the deep realms of reality and not the shallow level, fear will come up.
Even feelings of terror might come up.
The ego will not approve of you?re asking about true reality, and it will defend it?s views and beliefs, it will throw fits, it will reject, it will grasp for experiences that feels good, it will protect itself in any way it can, and if it can?t make you stop looking and asking about true existence (really deep existential questions such as ?who am I? scares the shit out of the ego because when you discover who you are it will mean the death of the ego) it will absolutely try get to you by hooking you on your deepest fears.
Spiritual crisis might happen.
Look anyway.
There might be some fierce resistance! And most probably so, and this is where most people begins to avoid, they try to fix, make better, they try to let go, or keep old stories that feels familiar (ego take on old identification that feels familiar) and do literally everything it can to prevent you from realizing the true nature of your own being.
Look anyway!
The ego will: fight it ? grasp for something better ? or avoid.
The spirit will: embrace ? face it fully, whatever comes up.
Spiritual awakening is not about creating a better self, becoming somebody or anything like that.
It?s about letting go of the false self (the person you think you are) and the growth is about discovery and realization, being-ness, not becoming-ness.
There will come times when you fall back into ego in the process, and it?s completely ?normal?, but you just keep looking anyway, deeper and deeper.
Inquiring within by asking ?Who am I, really??, will reveal the true nature of your being, and it will reveal the ego too, and by knowing who you are not, you will find youself.
Not by avoiding the process because it can be very uncomfortable at times, but with awareness and openness to look deeply, to really wanting the truth more than only feeling better.
?
(Click on image to see larger)
An interesting side-note; did you know that the word ?ego? is a Latin word and means ?I?..?
Maria Erving
Maria writes about Spiritual Transformation and the Journey of Spiritual Awakening as well as shares her own personal experiences and life journey. Let your Intuition and Inspiration lead you to be an authentic expression of Life itself! Read about-page for more information; click on the Website link below:
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Source: http://mariaerving.com/who-am-i/
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